My Business Trip

Yup, you read that right this stay at home Mom, part time mystery shopper got to go on a all expensive paid business trip to Chicago. My company sent me there to evaluate stores in the Chicago area and give them feed back on how they were similar and different from the stores I shop in my area. A couple of years ago I referred my long time friend for they mystery shopping job and she was selected to go as well. So off to Chicago for us. It was like a girls weekend. Although we were very busy doing what we had gone for, we still went out and saw some sights. I loved Chicago, could not get over how clean it was for a large city. I liked it so much I keep telling Malcolm we need to take a family vacation there. I was thinking it wold be nice to rent a cottage on Lake Michigan that was driving distance to Chicago so we could also check out all the things to do. Although I enjoyed myself, I still kept thinking how much fun this would of been to be with my family. Everything we did and saw we both would comment how much fun this would be to be with our kids, and every once in awhile we would say with our husbands too. We went to the American Girl Place, and Sharon I think was a little sad because she was experiencing it for the first time with me and not one of her daughters. I told her she could close her eyes I would lead her out and we could act like it never happened. Then a friend of mine, recommend this great Mexican restaurant, and it was good. He was a Navy Chief stationed at Great Lakes before he met his wife. All though it was really good Mexican food it was in the bar district of the city and we went on Friday night which was 8-8-08, and they were having a party. I called his wife the next day to tell her where her husband sent us and said, next time he recommends somewhere I will have to inquire is it from his Navy days or church and family days! Ha Ha, we still enjoyed our dinner, it was fun watching all the party goers. Other highlights included seeing Wrigley field, Navy pier, window shopping on Michigan Ave. and walking a path along Lake Michigan in the North Shore area. One highlight included being bumped off our flight going there and given a complimentary round trip airline ticket for anywhere in the US, except Alaska and Hawaii.

Also, I was really impressed with my husband and how he entertain the kids, fed them and kept up with the schedule. He remember the Boy Scout Rain Gutter Regatta Picnic, took them swimming at the pool club, pack a picnic lunch and took them to a Smithsonian. He even cooked dinner, most nights. They didn't eat fast food once while I was away....Go Malcolm!

I am glad to be home, I missed my family!

Our Staycation

So the kids and I after Rehoboth went to my mom's for a staycation, that is when you don't drive far to take your vacation. We used my mom's house as the home base for the week. It was the best! Everyone is spoiled at Grandma's including the mom. We spent a day with one of my girlfriends from college and her kids in Oxford. One day we went to Douglassville to our old neighborhood to visit Leslie and her two kids. One evening we went with my friend Tammy and her husband Fred to Rose Tree Media Park to hear an outdoor concert of the Irish band, Blackthorn. The kids had a great time, Katy wants to take up Irish dancing. You can check them out at their website http://www.irishthing.com/

We also went to Grammy's work, she wanted to show the kids or so she says. I think she wanted to show off the grandbabies. I got to go out to dinner to PF Changs with another girlfriend and have grown up conservation. Then Sunday my mom served a Mexican dinner with fajitas and tamales in honor of my birthday, so more friends gathered! This morning as I was loading the van, Katy was refusing to leave. I practically had to drag her out from under my mom's bed. Everyone enjoyed the staycation!!

Rehoboth Getaway

We had such a great time for our little overnight trip to the beach. We seem to pack in so much in such a short 24 hours. We enjoyed the beach, the hotel pool, great seafood dinner, shopping and my favorite Grotto's pizza. The two biggest differences in going to the beach in the north as opposed to going to Myrtle Beach, it is so crowded on the beach. That is one thing I love about going to Myrtle is that you don't lay blanket to blanket. The other is the water is so cold up here. By the time we go in August the ocean water is like bath water. It was so great to get away to the beach however it has made us miss our week at the beach this year. Malcolm and I said definitely next year we will be going to Myrtle! It is so worth the drive.

MG turns 10

I can hardly believe he has turned 10! It was actually a sad occasion for me, in the midst of the birthday celebration I realized that we were over halfway to 18! Where has the time gone, it feels like yesterday he was a baby. Knowing how fast these 10 years have gone by, the realization the the next 10 will go equally as fast sadden me. I tell him all the time he can live with me forever! Although he finds comfort in that now, I am sure there is going to be a day when he is ready to break free from his mom. I don't think I will ever be ready for that day. I enjoy him, he is such a pleasure to be around. And he still likes and wants my hugs and kisses!

These are a few things that are important and his favorite at 10:

• Legos
• Playmobil
• Webkinz
• Payday, on Thursdays if he does his chores
• History Channel
• Rita's water ice
• Scouts

These are the things he sees in his future at 10:

• Having a wife, there are a few girls he has picked out now, and I will say he chooses well, lets see who is still around.....
• He wants to drive a Mustang GT, the kind that looks like the one in the 60s
• He wants to serve a mission for our church and hopes they send him to China
• He wants to be a neurosurgeon.

I have always felt blessed to be his Mom, he is an extraordinary kid!

The Withdrawl

Well I did it. On Friday I officially withdrew our application for adoption from LaVida. I have put it to the side for sooo long. As I have come to the conclusion that this is just not the right time for us. Now, I am not saying I feel one hundred percent our family is complete but it is not the right time for us. Any who, I was surprised at my reaction..... I cried and cried. But it is truly not the right time for us and what prompted me on Friday for the withdrawal on Wednesday we found out that in September Malcolm will be loosing 20% of his income. So with withdrawaling officially hopefully we will get our fee back that we paid. His decreased income is the result of the economic times and a grant not being renewed. Hopefully it will be covered somewhere else and it won't happen or he just finds another job!!! How am I dealing with the stress? I am sporting a big fever blister on my bottom lip.

Also, back to I cried and cried. I think there will always be a part of me that will continue to grieve for the family I didn't have. Don't misunderstand this, I am truly grateful for the family I have now and awed that I get to be a mother to the children I have. They're such a gift and a blessing. I just hope one day I feel we are complete.

A Flawed System

For those of you whoever wondered how a child ends up with serious harm once Children and Family Services are involved here is how it happens! This story involves my family, so I will give you the history on why the call was placed.

My sister is a bipolar alcoholic, who if you know her it is like a roller coaster! Since she had her daughter, a month shy of 6 years ago has depended on her family for all kinds of support. All but one year she has lived with our mother since her daughter was born. She is the queen of bad decision making with no concept of long term consequences, she is an instant gratification kind of girl. Case in point in 2005 she had her boyfriend take pictures of her and mailed them into Hustler magazine, which this past summer earned her $300 when they were published. So she meets this guy on the Internet dates him for 4 months and decides to marry him in a month. After the marriage, thinks it is a great idea for this man she has not known for at least a year to adopt her daughter. Now I will tell you that when she was married to her 2nd husband, she legally adopted his son, which when they split up she fought paying child support and now to this day she has nothing to do with him. Yup you guess it she is a walk away kind of gal. Her current, 3rd husband is about $80,000 in debt because of consumer and lawyer fees of fighting his ex wife over custody of their boys. Which he tells us it would be great if he could adopt her because this way he wouldn't have to pay as much child support to his ex wife and would have another deduction on taxes. So yes the interfering family that we are step in and said No it is not a good idea that he adopts your daughter. Called the biological father and told him why we thought it wasn't a good idea and please don't sign off. Thank goodness he didn't. This made the husband very mad and it was directed at my mom, partly because he is a coward picking on a 65 year old lady. During this time these are the things we have learned about him in their first year of marriage, caught him in lies about his past, has porn addiction, ex wife accused him of child porn and kick my sister out of the house twice, once she had to call police because of his bad temper. This is what we know he has done to her daughter, taken a bath with her(that turns my stomach!), stepped on her foot when she would not get out of his way(hard enough to leave a mark and left her with a limp), disciplines her with a trick: if she argues with him he will tell her to go ahead and do it and when she does she is spanked, spanked when she spills something and was never spanked until they were married and has only been by him. When we confronted my sister with this she would defend her husband telling us how she is trying to save her marriage. This is the incident that lead to the phone call to Children and Family Services: She was sitting on my mom's lap and they were reading a story, mom put her hands on her hips to move her and she winced. Inquiring what happen, she was in bed doing her homework and had a question and started down stairs to ask her mom that is when her step father stop her at the top of the steps and told her to go back to her room, she didn't listen and he spanked her hard enough to make her loose her balance and fall a couple of steps bruising her hip. When my sister was confronted again defended her husband. That day was the last time my mom has seen her granddaughter.

This is why I think the system is flawed:

I will agree I don't think that would warrant a child being removed from the home. I would think it could constitute parenting classes for both of them. The social worker assigned to the case never contacted any one in our family, including the person who made the call for a different side of this so called family. The didn't conduct any surprise visits to the house only scheduled ones, show up there any given Monday afternoon and my sister has put away a 12 pack. Led the social worker to believe this was all at the hands of a jealous over dramatic interfering mother in law and this social worker believed them, shame on her. Case is now closed.

So, where is it today? Well right after this happen my mom got harassing phone calls from her and his family which didn't stop until I told my sister we recorded them and would file charges if they continued. My sister has told my mom she is the cause of all their problems and now that she is out of their life she is at peace and they have a wonderful marriage. She told her she will spare her daughter the life of dysfunction and will fight to protect her from my mom. And that my mom needs therapy. What do I think? Crazy is as Crazy does! The girl is Crazy, mentally unstable. My mom will pursue grandparents rights. Even though she was told by my sister that if she did and lost she would never see her granddaughter again. Then, lastly she told mom that her granddaughter didn't even ask about her.

For the four years it took to get pregnant with Katy, it was a really difficult time for me. It was more than the 3-4 times a week trip into Center City, Philadelphia at 6am, more than all the crazy hormone pills or shots I gave myself, more than all invasive procedures and when I say invasive I mean the doctors, nurses, ultra sound techs saw more of me than my husband ever did, more that the track marks left in my arm by the viles of blood they would take to know what my hormones were up to, it was the emotional pain that I agonized over the most. These emotions of wanting another child are still very raw and painful for me even to this day. I always thought the emotions would be different if I was adopting, I was so wrong. What I didn't know is that receiving the information packet would bring all of that pain of infertility back, because once again I needed someone else and their approval to have a child. After having Katy I knew I never wanted to go through that again but here I am...

I have been thinking(among other things) a lot lately about our adoption plan. No I haven't gotten out the information packet, it is still in the basket in my kitchen. Infact, if my eyes happen to catch a glimpse of it my body just shudders with intimidation and fear. But usually when I have my next thought it comes after prayer or scripture study or quiet times during one of my many trips to and from Westminister taking and picking up kids from school. I was thinking what is my journey. We all get to where we are at, whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually,or intellectually by taking our own journeys. So here is my epiphany: This is my journey it is the road we(I, Malcolm is just along for the ride) need to take to know the decision we make or the outcome is the one right for our family. Maybe it is what I needed to go through to have undenying faith that there is another one out there that will join our family and then again this journey will also let me know that our family is complete. A dear friend that I have made here in Maryland titled her blog "Wait a little while to welcome what you're after" and I think that is what I am doing. What am I after my complete family, whom ever that might include.