I AM LOVED

I couldn't write about this last week when it happened, it was too emotional for me. As you all know how I freaked out after getting the information packet from LaVida, during this time I literally cried out unto our Heavenly Father (on my knees, sobbing, very much with no self control, saying just what came to my mind, a true pouring out of my heart and lacking reverence that my prayers usually have) "I asked Him how come He couldn't just send someone to me with a baby that needed a mom, how come no body could see me for the good mom that I am and want me to raise their child as mine, could He please just send a baby to me." After I had prayed that I felt guilty, I felt like I had just ask to win the lottery or asked for something impossible. I even asked for forgiveness for that prayer. That was on Tuesday, Feb. 4th. This is how our Heavenly Father responded..... I got a phone call on Monday, Feb. 11 from one of my dearest friends, we have been girlfriends now for about 25 years. Her mom was talking to her father's stepmother(that is a very complicated family tree so hang with me). Apparently her granddaughter who is about 20 is pregnant. This young woman has 2 children already that the state of Florida has terminated her parental rights with that her mom is raising. She asked her mom if she would take this child and her mom said no, she just couldn't. She knows that if she tries to keep this baby the state will take it also. She doesn't want to have an abortion. My friend's mom knowing we would like to adopt told the pregnant girls grandma about my family. The grandma talked with the pregnant girls mom and before they aproached her wanted to know if I was interested. So, my friend called me and asked if I was interested in adopting this baby. I cried and cried and cried, I couldn't talk. I am not sure what is going to happen from here, of course I said yes after all it was what I asked Heavenly Father for. My emotions were not from the idea of this could be my next child but I have a Heavenly Father who knows me, loves me, realized my heart was breaking and reach down to let me know He is there, He is listening no matter how impossible the prayer might seem to me, He let me know everything is possible through Him. I don't know if they have talked to the pregnant girl yet or not. What I took from that experience was my Heavenly Father's love, and at the time that is what I needed to know.

Having children has always been an ordeal, a trial, and huge test of faith for me. I thought adopting would be different, would go different emotionally but I am having such a hard time with it and honestly I not sure I am strong enough. I just don't know how everything is going to work from here. I am having the hardest time with knowing His will as opposed to mine, that is why I haven't completely thrown in the towel. I know I might look strong on the outside, but the inside it is all mush!!