Freaked OUT!

Okay, I am not sure myself what happen, but I can tell you I totally Freak Out Tuesday night after sitting down to read the information packet sent from our adoption agency. Called my good friend(who adopted couple years ago from China) on the verge of hysterical crying asking her what did I do! Every reason why we should not do this came to mind, I even emailed our agency asking if we didn't proceed at this point would we get our money back! Spent most of the week an emotional wreck, crying for most of it. Oh, and fighting off panic attacks. Really wondering what have I gotten my family into. Floating through my thoughts were more reasons why not to adopt than there were to proceed. Well she talked me off the ledge and gave me some very sound advice, come to find out it was the same advice I gave her when she was deciding to go to nursing school, pray about it. Pretty simple huh? Well I have to admit that I haven't had the frame of mind to listen for an answer when I have prayed. So, I needed to change focus and proceed with caution. I needed first to seek for inner peace, I started just to ask for comfort and peace, I decided to take on the Hinckley Challenge and read the Book of Mormon in 97 days in remembrance of our Beloved Prophet who just passed away recently, during this time I plan to read it for nourishment for my soul and focus on those scriptures that really testify of the love Jesus Christ has for each of us. Today I also asked for a blessing from our home teacher. With all these things I hope to place my heart in the right place so when I shall seek these answers that I will have an unshakeable testimony that I am following the Lords will and not mine. I feel as if I am standing at a fork in the road with the two directions to take and knowing each one is life altering, knowing either way is okay to take, but not knowing which one our Heavenly Father wants our family journey down. So I am going to take some time and figure out which one is for us, that way the next bump in the road we hit I will know it is just part of the journey and not a road block.

I am still afraid to look into the information packet again, it is a very intimidating pack of paper work. I am thinking of having someone come and seperate it out and put them in seperate envelopes so I don't freak out! They could put them in order in which to accomplish!! That way I would never have to look at them all at once again.