The Withdrawl

Well I did it. On Friday I officially withdrew our application for adoption from LaVida. I have put it to the side for sooo long. As I have come to the conclusion that this is just not the right time for us. Now, I am not saying I feel one hundred percent our family is complete but it is not the right time for us. Any who, I was surprised at my reaction..... I cried and cried. But it is truly not the right time for us and what prompted me on Friday for the withdrawal on Wednesday we found out that in September Malcolm will be loosing 20% of his income. So with withdrawaling officially hopefully we will get our fee back that we paid. His decreased income is the result of the economic times and a grant not being renewed. Hopefully it will be covered somewhere else and it won't happen or he just finds another job!!! How am I dealing with the stress? I am sporting a big fever blister on my bottom lip.

Also, back to I cried and cried. I think there will always be a part of me that will continue to grieve for the family I didn't have. Don't misunderstand this, I am truly grateful for the family I have now and awed that I get to be a mother to the children I have. They're such a gift and a blessing. I just hope one day I feel we are complete.