Two or More

Having a testimony of Heavenly Father and truly believing he knows each one of us, our desires, our needs, and our capabilities and going through infertility I often thought I was always meant to be a mother of two children and that is why we endured the infertility(That is how I made sense of that trial primarily because I didn't understand, being a mother was such a righteous desire). Because after all we got pregnant on our honeymoon with MG so birth control was not our strong point. And I always thought of myself as it was beyond my abilities to mother a large family where the children were stair steps in ages. The years following Katy Rose's birth I tried convincing myself our family was complete and I don't have any what so ever urges to have more children. Then came along Joshua Spivey, and he has been a true gift to our family. I babysit him as many of you know, however it is babysitting him that has dismissed the idea of I was meant to be a mother of two as well as the feeling of our family is complete. And now maybe we were meant to have infertility so we would adopt and could love a child as our own who does not have our DNA. So with all this in place and moving forward through the adoption process we have decided we would be open to adopting siblings, my only request is that they be younger than Katy Rose as not to mess with birth order, so we would request 3 and younger. Naturally in my mind this meant adopting two children however reading blogs of adoptive Colombian parents and noticing that most siblings are very close in age in many cases less than a year apart. This does concern me because now we could be looking at 3 under 3. In conversation with my husband, Malcolm, I suggested we put in for 2 siblings. He disagrees he thinks we should just leave it open as we are willing to adopt a sibling group. He has the faith to believe that Heavenly Father will match us up with our children how ever many it would be and it is only Heavenly Father who knows our future circumstances and will provide for us. I have to admit I am having trouble having the same faith. I guess I don't have the confidence in myself to be able to mother the physical and emotional needs to 5 or more children. My safety zone would be to adopt two siblings. I told this to Malcolm and he simply express than if that is the case Heavenly Father knows and we will have a sibling group of 2. Malcolm has no doubts about my abilities and I his but how to I have the faith to turn this decision over and have a peaceful feeling inside. I hate having the need to have things in my control because I think this is what it comes down to.