Feels good to come clean!

Hey I just have to admit that it feels good to come clean. I was putting so much pressure on myself to adopt a sibling group of like 3 that I was making myself a nervous wreck. So with the help of the dream I admit that I just couldn't do it. I am not even sure now we will adopt any more than one. I feel like though a weight has been lifted.

Hey my blog looks blaaa. Help me spruce it up, I am not very computer literate and could use the help!

My Crazy Dream

Ever since we made the decision to adopt from Colombia we have been going back and forth with how many. For those who are not familiar with the Colombian adoption process you can adopt sibling groups. Most of them are groups of 3-4 siblings. Also, I should throw out that one of Colombia's requirements is that adoptive families have a max of 2 children. So hello, we really need to decide this in the beginning. At first all that excited I thought what a wonderful opportunity it would it be to adopt a sibling group, well as the newness of the idea has started to sink in, I am not so sure. Last night I dreamt that we got our referral and it was a sibling group of 3, a boy 31/2, a girl 21/2 and a baby less than one. Well in my dream, there was no joyous celebration from me. I felt shear panic. I kept saying I can't do this, this means I will have 4 under the age of 5. I am a mother of children who are 5 years apart, not by choice but by circumstance but still it has worked very well for me. Also, it has been recently that I have felt the urge to have another, and Katy is 4. So I am beginning to think this is who I am, a mom whose children are 5 years apart! or at least come to her that way.

Updating

I have come to the conclusion that this fall I have tried to take on too much, do to much and get done too much or at least out of my capabilities as a human. Trying to do the extra things I have lost control on the things like family, house and especially laundry. Family home evening has been hit or miss, scripture study as well, we have had more cereal for dinner than for breakfast, Katy's backpack is missing and all work and notes have been coming home in Target bags. MG has been getting away with staying up too late and there fore we are late for school almost every day. How he is still getting good grades and maintaining the A honor roll has been beyond me. I sit looking around my kitchen and there is pancake batter, yogurt and dishwasher detergent stuck to the cabinets. I have mopped my floor but since I only have used the swifter since Aug. there is the dust line building up around the floor molding. We probably wouldn't have groceries but that is my second job, mystery shopper for major grocery store chain(if you are wondering what my first job is that would be stay at home mom, which I think everyone knows the job description for). And it looks like the washer /dryer exploded upstairs and you wade through all the clothes, which is kind of funny since the washer-dryer is in the basement. There is a few people I would let into my house right now. I need some reality show to come and rescue me. My plan of attack is to say NO, no more extras for a while at least I can regain some balance and productivity in our house. Task at hands is getting ready for Christmas and maybe a call to the Merri Maids for a Merry Christmas!

So how does this all fit into my adoption blog, well we are going to be on mission to regain control and get organized. Because my adoption funds have arrived and here we go, I plan to fill out the adoption agency(LaVida) application. I have to say I am very nervous, worried that we will be shot down in this first step in the process. The application isn't even very complicated.

On a side note, Katy is dancing in the Nutcracker on the 15th. She is a mouse, she will get to attack a toy soldier and I am so excited. She will have 2 performances 2pm and 7pm. Let me know if anyone wants to come check her out.

Where did the days go

It has been so long since my last post and in my mind I have posted several different topics. I am so tired and not sure of where all my time has gone. The week before last my mom had an abscess tooth and it was aching. Her Dentist put her on antibiotics and pain meds, However it kept getting progressively worse. So by last Tuesday and Day 6 with tooth ache she went to her dentist and he tried pulling it. OUCH! She was in so much pain that he quit and didn't pull it. However doing this unbeknown to him he released the infection into her body. So in a course of 12 hours was so sick and in so much pain she went to the ER. By the time Malcolm and I got to the ER she didn't even look like herself. There they gave her IV antibiotics and pain relief as well as fluids because she was dehydrated as well, she hadn't really eaten or drank anything substantial for 6 days either. When we were able to bring her home, the pain medicine was so great that I was able to get her to eat some nutritious foods. Also, every time she turned around I put an ensure in her hand and hopefully this helped to bring up some of her strength. Wednesday night we were able to bring her home with us because we couldn't get her in to see a surgeon by her so I was able to get her in to the dentist who took out my wisdom teeth last year. Her pre -op appt. was Thursday and surgery was Friday. She was a little sore over the weekend which is to be expected but no pain. Over the weekend we had our scrap booking getaway in which she spent the time resting and I scrapped! I always have so much fun when I go away! I do it twice a year, so email me if you are interested in joining us in the spring. So I came home to a messy house, which sometimes I question is it really worth it....ummm...YES! Because chances are I would have cleaned up the same messes just not all in one day. Any who, look for a post tomorrow on adoption because I have stuff in my head. It is just every time I close my eyes to think I end up dosing off. Good Night

My New Friends

First before I go into writing, I just have to say I love boy scouts! On Thursday nights, Malcolm takes MG to scouts from 7-8:30 and of course Katy too because after all she is a self proclaimed girl-boy scout. It is about the only time I get a peaceful house. I just do what I want, and never chores I will wait to do dinner dishes until they return because I refuse to waste an hour and half of quiet time washing dishes. So I love Scouts:)

So tonight at dinner I am talking with Malcolm, and with excitement I start telling that Rena and Nate, who are in Columbia right now adopting Alex, Sebastian, Luisa and Erika, are finished and get to come home on Sat. I go into telling him how excited I am and hope the transition goes well for them and the kids do well on the plane ride, etc. Then I tell him about Sherri and they have all their tickets to go to Columbia on Nov. 17th, and her husband Joel was able to take off work until after the first of the year with all the sick time he has accumulated and with the family leave act his company endorses. They are adopting a little boy who is 18 months and they have named him Isaac. They also have another son, Caleb who is a birth son. So, I look over at Malcolm and he has this look on his face and ask me who are these people. I say very casually they are the adoption blogs I am following. He says so you don't know them, well not exactly. I feel like over the course of the last month I gotten to know them quite well through their blogs. Then he says it is not like they are friends, UGH-GASP! They feel like my new friends, I think about them and hope things are going smoothly for them through this process, I have prayed for them so by my definitions they are my new friends. So then, I ask him if he wants to hear about the Armstrongs new home renovations as they await the news from Columbia on when to travel, and tell him too bad they don't live closer cause they could use his help. He thinks I am crazy! I told him at least I am not like Katy and have imaginary friends and grandmas. I will admit I love reading the adoption blogs right now, their is about 4 I am following and it is crazy because I find myself going through the emotions with them. I am grateful they write about their experiences because it is like a peek into what lays ahead for us.

On another note, Katy Rose, Katy Rose, Katy Rose, that child of mine I don't know where she gets it. Today she decided that she was Mulan, and wore her Mulan dress all day(she has basically lived in it since 3 weeks before Halloween). Today she put a new twist on it. As she put it, she was Mulan, the whooping princess and preceded to spend the day beating up on everyone. At one point she was hanging from the wall quilt I have up and it fell and actually came out of the wall. She went backwards over the chair trying to get to her brother for showing the Whooping Princess disrespect. There was once today that she was being ornery and I just looked at her and she said, "I know! to the no no step!" and put herself in time out. I guess somethings are just worth it.

Two or More

Having a testimony of Heavenly Father and truly believing he knows each one of us, our desires, our needs, and our capabilities and going through infertility I often thought I was always meant to be a mother of two children and that is why we endured the infertility(That is how I made sense of that trial primarily because I didn't understand, being a mother was such a righteous desire). Because after all we got pregnant on our honeymoon with MG so birth control was not our strong point. And I always thought of myself as it was beyond my abilities to mother a large family where the children were stair steps in ages. The years following Katy Rose's birth I tried convincing myself our family was complete and I don't have any what so ever urges to have more children. Then came along Joshua Spivey, and he has been a true gift to our family. I babysit him as many of you know, however it is babysitting him that has dismissed the idea of I was meant to be a mother of two as well as the feeling of our family is complete. And now maybe we were meant to have infertility so we would adopt and could love a child as our own who does not have our DNA. So with all this in place and moving forward through the adoption process we have decided we would be open to adopting siblings, my only request is that they be younger than Katy Rose as not to mess with birth order, so we would request 3 and younger. Naturally in my mind this meant adopting two children however reading blogs of adoptive Colombian parents and noticing that most siblings are very close in age in many cases less than a year apart. This does concern me because now we could be looking at 3 under 3. In conversation with my husband, Malcolm, I suggested we put in for 2 siblings. He disagrees he thinks we should just leave it open as we are willing to adopt a sibling group. He has the faith to believe that Heavenly Father will match us up with our children how ever many it would be and it is only Heavenly Father who knows our future circumstances and will provide for us. I have to admit I am having trouble having the same faith. I guess I don't have the confidence in myself to be able to mother the physical and emotional needs to 5 or more children. My safety zone would be to adopt two siblings. I told this to Malcolm and he simply express than if that is the case Heavenly Father knows and we will have a sibling group of 2. Malcolm has no doubts about my abilities and I his but how to I have the faith to turn this decision over and have a peaceful feeling inside. I hate having the need to have things in my control because I think this is what it comes down to.

Racial Awareness

On the news last week, there was an incident in our country(I can't remember where but it truly could of been anywhere), that has made me more aware of racial issues around me. I am very much a momma bear with my children, and I feel it starting to come out in the child(ren) that soon will be mine as well. There was a woman stop by police because they thought she was driving a stolen SUV, she had two children in the back seat and was five months pregnant with her 3rd. When she was stop she was dragged out of the car and forced to lay on her belly, pleading with the officers she was pregnant. Eventually they caught on to the mistake that they were making and had her get off the ground and belly. This woman definitely looked 5 months pregnant and she didn't even look the part of a car thief. I watched the interview of the superior officer of the policemen who were involved on GMA, and he kept saying how this was a standard stop and the officers did everything correctly. Yeah, Chris Cuomo didn't buy it either. Any how discussing this with my husband he pretty much could see how the officers would handle it that way, until I asked him would this be aceptable treatment for one of his daughters. He couldn't really see Katy Rose being in a situation like this but when I said we could be adopting a daughter and fast forward 20 years she would be a woman of color and would this be aceptable treatment for his daughter of color? And of course his response was absolutely not. Well, we are not by any means a racist family, we accept people as sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father. However with that said, I don't do anything to stop racism. When I get a joke via email, I will delete rather than email back and tell them that is not acceptable to me or when I hear a rude comment or remark I am ashamed to admit I will stand silent. What if my silence has ever been mistaken as acceptance? Lately I have been thinking on myself and maybe the changes I need to make on this topic. This momma bear might be coming out of hibernation on this issue!

Clarification

After reading that post, I do want to clarify, I know what they are looking for in the Home Study but my husband doesn't or isn't really sure. That is why I am taking advantage of him and going to get the extra work done. I know the don't care if my kitchen has a border up.

Home Study

My husband isn't quite sure what is meant by the Home Study and is relying on me(of course) to do all the paperwork and gather the information. So, my plan is to get him to do all those little Honey Do projects he has been putting off before we have our Home Study. I know that is kind of mean but it is either that or I schedule some sort of home demonstration party because that is the only way I can get him to work around the house. Any way it was his idea I am just adding to the list of projects. For those of you who know my husband will understand that he needs to have motivation or my Uncle Ron supervising for him to get anything accomplished. Soo, I am seizing this opportunity to get our downstairs painted and the wall paper border put up in the kitchen that I bought two years ago. My son being the cutie he is and 9 years old was a little confuse on why this will cost money. In his mind he didn't look at the money going out as to pay fees but pay for his new sibling. I quickly cleared this up that we would be paying fees for document processing. His next question was what would it cost for 2 siblings, I explained that if we got them at the same time we would only have to pay the document fees once. So he said "basically nothing extra" My reply was pretty much. Then he suggested us adopting as many children as Columbia would let us. He amazes me how ready he is to welcome more into his family knowing it might mean he gets less. He had been an only child for 5 years when his sister was born, and reflecting back he adjusted quite well. Maybe he has always had the understanding he would be the oldest in a family. I am lucky and blessed!

THE PAPER WORK HAS ARRIVED!

The Postman actually brought it to our door, because it wouldn't bend to fit it in our mailbox. So I calmly took it from his hands and shut the door and let out a wooo hooo! My family wanted to know what had arrived, my son thought this was it time travel and now he can start telling people. Ummm, NO. I said this is just the beginning in a process that will seem like it just might take forever. So I have had time to read the folder of info from cover to cover and no real big surprises. Although they wanted to know how much I weighed, yikes. I also let out a chuckle when they asked for hair and eye color, I thought is that because they try to match a close as possible, good luck with that(I am red hair and blue eyed with the fair freckled skin to go along with it). With our info arriving today, made for some very interesting dinner conversation. We are about 99.9% positive that we will check off for a sibling group, that last tenth of a percent is me and my self doubt of capabilities as a mother and can I handle it. Especially since my 4 year old started preschool and gain an attitude that can be aspirating at times. Also, we talked about whether or not to change their given names. I have noticed on different blogs some do and some don't. I inkling is to change, so it would not be so different from the rest of us but by no means do I want to take away from who they are. This is when my daughter and the wisdom of her 4 years thought that if it was a girl we should name her Dora. Any who back to the paper work, it didn't seem to intimidating at all. I think that we are going to wait until we have cash in hand, to send it back, which I am told by my husband will not be long.

I am at the very beginning of this journey. We made the decision about 1 week ago that we were going to adopt from Columbia. Why Columbia? It's okay you can ask. That is where my child(ren) is/are. I don't know why Columbia, we just know that is where we will meet up with the rest of our family. I requested the paper work about a week ago now, I it has yet to arrive. I have checked our mailbox every day, and if you know me you then know how much I hate mail and getting from our box. I usually check it so infrequently that sometimes it gets so full that the post man will take it back to the post office and I have then will have to go to pick it up and get a lecture about how I need to check the box more often. My postman even commented this week when he left a package at our door how empty the mailbox is and that I was doing a good job. Any how I want my PAPERWORK! I am ready let's get started. I feel like it took so long to know what I needed to do and where to go that now I am ready.

When in the day I find a peaceful time that my mind can drift I find myself wondering about the child(ren) who are waiting for me. In Columbia, you are able to adopt sibling groups and we have decided if it is meant to be we would adopt siblings that were younger than Katy Rose. We would like the birth order to continue the way it is in our family. We know we will have who is meant to join our family. MG was particularly excited about this possibility, it made perfect sense to him that as long as we are down there might as well bring home as many siblings as they will let us. At night as I drift off which is hard to do I find myself thinking about them and wondering if they have been born yet. Katy Rose doesn't have a full understanding about the journey we are embarking on but she would like a sister who looks like Dora. Malcolm is the more practical one he is the one getting the financing together, he tells me he will be more excited the closer we get. He also made me promise that I would try and sleep, because I tend to be grouchy with not enough sleep and he doesn't want to live that way for the next year and a half.

Here is the time frame we are looking at:

• My goal is to have all our paperwork into LaVida to be sent off to Columbia by Easter. That means I will need to be very diligent on getting everything done and organized. But this is a very realistic goal.
• Then, the paperwork sent to Columbia is called a Dossier, after that is received and reviewed it can take up to about 15 months for us to be assigned a child(ren). Now sibling groups can be referred as soon as 2 months.
• After getting our referral, then we will travel 2-3 weeks later. And stay in Columbia 3-4 weeks.

We are planning to travel as a family, if MG is in school then we will take him and all his school work with us.

I just want my paper work and my child(ren) to know, Mommy is coming.