Promises to Keep

Feeling Grateful

2009-11-06T09:19:00.000-08:00

A few things I have been feeling grateful for lately.

The Scriptures and modern day Prophets, I just finished the Book of Jacob in the BOM and kept thinking how really lucky we are to have Prophets in these days. Also, I was glad they seem to be a little more gentler with us than flat out calling us to repentance or else!
My kids, they have just been so darn cute lately.
Thankful that we are not lacking. With MG back at Faith we do not have an abundance(but did we ever) but also we have just enough for our needs.
Lastly, Scrapbook Weekend it comes twice a year and this weekend I am headed out! I really feel like I need it.

Mr. Magoo

2009-10-19T07:20:00.001-07:00

This is what I affectionately call my husband. He does get offended by it so I do it in secrecy. This weekend he 2 really bad Mr. Magoo moments!

First one came on Saturday. I needed to empty my memory card for my camera so I could take more pictures at Katy's Tea Party, celebrating her 6th birthday, so I headed over to Westminster an hour ahead of them. Giving him instructions on what time to leave and where to go. I specifically told him Sugarplum Fairies was across the street from O'Lourdan's. A restaurant we have been to at least 3 times. I asked him if he knew where I was talking about and he said yes. So off I go....Everyone is at Katy's party except Katy. They were late, because he got lost with directions I had given him. Why? His explanation was he only knows of one tea room in Westminster, The Gypsy Tea Room, over by the hospital. I said that is fine but I told you it was across the street from O'Lourdan's. I left it at that not wanting to cause a scene at my daughters tea party.

Then, when we were coming home late from my mom's last night, keep in mind a trip we have made many times since we lived here in Maryland. I doze off somewhere between the Delaware/Maryland line and Elkton and wake up in Baltimore just as we are passing Eastern Ave. and John Hopkins Bayview. I say to him "You missed the exit!" You notice I didn't say you JUST missed the exit, because he was happily driving along miles passed where we would have normally turned off 95. He says "No I didn't!" As I am handing him $2 to go through the Harbor Tunnel, I ask "and how many times have we taken the tunnel home?" His reply "oh." I sit in silence thinking "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all." To the point it becomes a mantra, and mentally I am saying it over and over again in my head. Then as we are on 695 coming in on the opposite side we normally do, he says to me "I actually think this way is shorter." Are you kidding me? I have just spent the last 30 minutes in silence trying not to loose my cool. Still trying to take the "high" road while he is taking the long road! I simply say STOP.

I have often wondered how a man that is so smart have such a horrible sense of direction! This is a man who has done DNA cloning but still has trouble finding his way to Westminster!

You know it must be LOVE!

I am BEAUTIFUL

2009-10-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

So it is probably no mystery or surprise for those who see me everyday that I have lost weight. I have hit the 75 pound mark! That is one giant and loud Whoo Hoo! During this journey I have said all along that I am going to have plastic surgery, when I hit goal(I am not there yet). At least a tummy tuck and maybe perk up the girls somewhat. But I have to admit that I am thinking my new body is looking great. I don't think I would of ever thought this time last year that I would enjoy seeing the extra skin flapping on my arms! I have already said I won't get it removed. So every morning when I check out my skinnier naked body and weigh myself, I find myself becoming equally attached to the empty skin that hangs from my waist. Also, my butt, I have extra skin there too, at the bottom, I pinch it every once and a while(I would let my husband but he thinks it is an invitation for something else). Plus this a body that has weather many storms, has been with me through it all. These imperfections are almost like badges of courage or medals of honor. I am kinda proud of my arms and my toosh they remind me of how far I come and where I don't won't to go back to.

So lately it has left me wondering do I really need to change anything? I feel lighter. I like how my clothes fit, although I am waiting patiently for someone to turn me in to "What not to Wear." I know I am not by society standards of beautiful, but at 42 I am for the first time comfortable in my own skin so I must be beautiful.

Quilt Give Away

2009-06-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

A talented and gifted friend from our last ward is actually the one giving away the quilt. She is trying to raise awareness for Urban Chickens in Philadelphia. What the means is that families in the city will be able to have up to 4 laying hens to have eggs. They are trying to get this past by signing the petition and you don't need to be a resident of Philadelphia to sign.
Here is her blog:
http://www.homelyanimal.blogspot.com/

WHY I LOVE LIVING IN MARYLAND

2009-06-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

It was about a month ago, that I posted about how wonderful and ideal it was living in PA, well since then I have had some wonderful experiences with neighbors, friends, and community living here in Maryland.

I will start with neighbors, Katy started playing with a little girl around the corner and about 4 house down. They pretty much play everyday weather and schedules permitting. I have also gotten to know her parents and some of their neighbors. They have invited us to a 4th of July party and another BBQ! The mom's walk in the evening and after I recover some will join them when I can.

MG and Katy's school is just a wonderful and loving place! I am so glad I have gotten to be apart of that school family. To save the big long story, we have decided to home school the kids next year(that can be another post). Anyway, they have really reached out to us willing to work with us, have helped us and have offered their full support.

Friends here, what can I say? Just as golden as the ones in PA. Going through these surgeries(again that is another post) I have be given their gifts of love and friendship, kind words, encouragement, support, and let's not forgot the meals and one beautiful basket of fruit! I have been able to stay positive, my faith has been able to stay strong and focused and through them I have felt the love of our Savior. I am not alone.

I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.

My Sheltered World

2009-05-27T15:26:00.000-07:00

I was told last week that I live in a sheltered world. That I surround my self with people either from church or from school. And that I don't know what it is like out in the real world. Mmmmm, it has made me think......

Well that is true, but I also surround myself with old friends and my family all of whom I love dearly. That is why I like to be around them. And yes it seems like I am either preparing to do something at church or for school in my "free" time. Most of my days are consumed with busy children and keeping a home for my family. I do try to be selective on what I bring into my house that could influence my kids and family. I do like to read, go to movies and watch tv but there is never enough time so I chose wisely and only partake of those I really want to see, read, or do. There is only so much time. So in making these choices maybe I have sheltered myself, after all I can never stay awake late enough to watch the 11pm news(I figure if it is really important they will interrupt prime time programing).

So in this sheltered world I have created there is a happy mom who loves her children and handsome husband. A little girl who sings, skips, dances, and wears red lipstick. A boy who is smart, likes science, scouts and his dog. A Dad who goes off to work every day to support his family, let's his wife think she is a princess and treats her accordingly, loves his children and is a role model to them.

Mmmm...I have been thinking what a wonderful life.

Oh, and by the way one of my guilty pleasures is Bravo's series "The real housewives of ..." so I do know what it is like in the "real" world and I don't think I am missing anything.

1. the last day of school is tomorrow!

2. my biopsy appt.

3. the rain: my flowers are blooming

Temptation

2009-05-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

So I pick up MG today from school and he gets in the van and I ask "How was your day?" Head down he replies "I gave in to temptation." I smile and ask "Did you kiss a girl?" He says "No, and I don't know how much longer I can resist that one either." He then explains that today they made some kind of atom or molecule out of gum drops and he was bringing it home to show his Dad but ate the gum drops! I think I have the cutest boy ever!

MY GIRLS ARE IN TROUBLE!!

2009-05-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This is a post that will have some boobie talk, but don't worry I will only talk about mine and so you know it will be done tastefully!

So when I had my yearly mammogram done in April, I received a callback. They wanted more pictures of my right breast, she is the cuter one of the two. They didn't specify why so I just figured the picture wasn't clear or some other complication on their part. So after about 8 good squeezes I mean pictures, I was told I could get dressed but ABSOLUTELY don't leave I need to talk to the radiologist. Well it turns out I had a nodule with calcification in the 5 o'clock position(it cracks me up they make reference like they are a clock keeping time because if they were clocks time stopped ticking a while ago and they have started to slide off the wall). He recommended that I have the right breast biopsied to know exactly what kind of nodule this is. Then I was reassured by the doctor and the nurse that we are catching this early, and I don't even have a lump and that is a good thing.

MMMM.....You know when you are told something like that it is a lot of information to process. I am so glad I have my faith because I am not sure where else I would of turn when delivered that kind of news. I needed a couple days for that thought and information to roll around in my brain. One would of thought I would have called the Surgeon asap but I needed almost a week. So I called the surgeon on Monday of this week and they gave me an appointment for the first week of June, then called me back not even an hour later to tell me they have an appointment for me on Thursday, yesterday. I am glad I let it sink in for about a week because they don't mess around!

So, I go see the surgeon, Dr. Hamamoto, and I bring the pictures of the girls. He is all about business! He tells me he is concerned not only for the right but also the left because their is calcification in that breast as well. But at this point he is only going to biopsy the right. I will have a procedure called a Mammotome done. I will lay on a table belly down with a hole my star girl can fall through, they will numb her, and then make a very very small incision that will have something where he can see the tissue as well as suck the questionable tissue out! Then it gets sent off to pathology and all this takes about an hour! I am to call Dr. Hamamoto's secretary on Monday to get my surgery date.

I am not real upset by all of this, I know I will be fine. Even if I am diagnosed with breast cancer I will be fine. We are catching it early. EARLY! You can't even feel a lump in that 5 o'clock position(you will have to trust me on it). So if you are reading this and are over 40 go get your mammogram!

Okay, I am totally stealing this cute idea from a friend Holly's blog at the end of each entry she writes three things she is grateful for! Since I have been to a Gyn-Oncologist and now a Breast Cancer Surgeon in the past 30 days I think of lots of things I am grateful for everyday.
So here are my 3 things I am grateful for today!

1. the smell of fresh cut grass

especially when it is being cut by my

10 year old son, it's his first

summer that is his job

2. Katy Rose spending the afternoon in her bikini

3. Sophie's new tooth

Why I loved living in Pennsylvania

2009-04-24T19:24:00.000-07:00

It will be four years this August that we have been in Maryland, and many people have asked me why I have yet to feel like Maryland is home. I have not settled here and doubt I ever will, I can't imagine it ever feeling like home. I couldn't ever answer this question with detail because I could never really figure out why it was so different being only 75 miles apart. Well today I have had an epiphany. I know what the difference is and I sincerely hope I don't offend any true Marylanders in this post.

We had the book fair at MG's and Katy's school this week, and my lack of planning I was there more than I had time for Wednesday through Friday. I picked Kate Gosselin's book Multiple Blessings and began to read it. I was able to finish it before the end of the book fair, not a speed reader here, it is just an easy read and it is fairly short. In her book, she talked about the many volunteers that came out to help them when the came home from the hospital with the sextuplets the first year. These volunteers were strangers to her, but they came to help and she let them. The service and support they were given from the community to have the needs met of their family. This was not unique to them. I felt that same sense of belonging living in Berks County, PA. I remember after Katy was born, I would find gifts left on our doorstep. Kindness came from people I never met before in forms of an apple pie or a handmade baby blanket. It was a sense of security in knowing who your neighbors were. I remember MG would spend summer afternoon break on our neighbors patio having lemonade and cookies with them. They were a retired couple. I picked MG up from preschool big belly pregnant, feeling very tired and worn out, only to be greeted with a smile from another teacher, who I have never met, walking down the hall who let me know they prayed for me today. I made close friends with some of my neighbors, they would fill our house to celebrate birthdays and other holidays. I still keep in touch with them today.

This carried over into my ward family, we were not separated by our ward's large boundaries that stretched over two counties. We got together at each other's houses, each one of us different in different stages of our lives and enjoyed each other's company. We would try to get together at least twice a month and have pot luck lunches, and share our lives with each other. There would be Grandmas, moms of toddlers, with moms of high schoolers, some of them had husbands in school, others with husbands soon to retire. I was never alone, I always had some one there. One of the young mothers in our ward was diagnosed with breast cancer, so since she was going to be spending a lot of time in her bedroom they gave it a make over. Everyone rallied and in one weekend it was a transformation like you would have witnessed on Trading Spaces.

I have been here 4 years and I have not once step foot into one of my neighbors' homes. I have had only one neighbor come to mine, but if they are looking for their kids this is the first place they check. At my ward here, every one tends to stay with ones who they are most like. Everyone is busy, lives too far away, etc. I only been in a handful of their homes and few have come to mine. I don't know what makes Maryland so different, I haven't figured that one out.

But I do know one thing, I miss home. I miss living in PA. I hate to admit, I want to go back...

Herbal Essences no. 44, Paint the Town

2009-04-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

I have this good thing going. For almost the last year I have been getting my hair cut in my girlfriends kitchen. No, she doesn't do with her kitchen shears. A hair dresser turned stay at home mom does, she comes to us. The plus side of this is the expense or lack of expense. She charges me $20 for a hair cut and highlights on the top of my head. I the day before she comes put the base color on, it is red and for those of you who never color your hair red before it fads fast! So I had always hated paying big bucks for anyone to put the red back into my hair. Any how I was paying a whole lot more to have this done. She was suppose to come last Wed. so I put my hair color in on Tues. night. For whatever reason I picked up Herbal Essence no. 44, it describes itself as a deep red. My hair turned a almost purple! I look like a rebellious teenager! If you think I am joking, the only comments I have gotten about it is from the neighborhood preteen girls who happen to like it and our next door neighbor, the son who is 17 told me I looked cool. My peers, of course once the laughter stops inquirer about the new color, and I might say none of them asked me if this is the intended color, they know better! So here I sit hoping the chemical concoction I have on my head to strip the color is working! By the way my kitchen hair dresser is coming on Wed. to fix it.

CA-125 News

2009-04-06T10:44:00.001-07:00

NEWS JUST IN.....IT IS NORMAL!!!!!

CA-125

2009-04-06T07:19:00.000-07:00

I couldn't decide wether or not to post about this topic or not. But since today is turning out to be the longest day ever and the potential of receiving life changing news I thought I would post some of what is going through my head!

For those of you who don't know what CA-125 is, it is a blood test that screens for ovarian cancer. I had blood drawn last Thursday should get the results back sometime today. I currently have an 11.4 cm cyst on my right ovary. To put that in perspective my GYN described as the size of a newborn's head. You can actually see and feel not the cyst but the internal stuff that it is pushing against. For the most part these cyst in pre-menopausal women(which I still am) are usually benign. But when you go to the doctor for something like this they always treat while it is still unknown for the worse possible case scenario, the big C. If this CA-125 blood test comes back with numbers in the normal range I will escaped the first and biggest hurdle in this. In fact he is sending me to a GYN-Oncologist to have it removed!

So those who know me and read this blog, know I have the flare for drama! It is no wonder where my kids get it(I do always blame it on their dad). I have been thinking after today no matter what the results are I probably will never be the same. I will never look at my kids the same, hug them the same or kiss them the same. Malcolm the other night prayed that we have the strength and are able to endure God's will, and His will be done and I gasped. I want my will! I want life here with my family especially my children. I want to be their mother. I am not ready yet. So that has been in my prayers. For the most part I feel pretty good and hope full about the outcome, and I get the feeling that this is going to be something that just needs to be taken care of. But then there is that darker part of my brain that says...Most people are probably distracted by what a beautiful day it is when then they are slammed by a freight train!

Okay, setting drama aside, this is what I want to remember from this day. The thoughts I have before the results come in, which is the closeness I have felt to my Heavenly Father as I have sought Him in my time of need for comfort and peace and felt His love. The knowing that He gives that when everything isn't okay it will be through Him. I have frequently thought of one scripture and one hymn to help remind me of this: John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." and "Be Still My Soul Thy God, Thy Lord is on Your Side." So, one thing I know for sure, when this day is over, and as Malcolm prayed, His will be done and I WILL have the strength to endure.

Girls Scrapbook Weekend and The Storage Unit

2009-04-02T05:53:00.000-07:00

I usually go to these twice a year and they are a lot of fun!! I say usually because I missed the one last fall. This one wasn't as relaxing as they normally go, aside from the full body massage!! My kids kept calling me to let me know their Dad was being mean!! He was working hard to clear out our storage unit, since we have had it now for about 3 years and the only thing we know about that is over there is our Christmas decorations. So I am guessing the other stuff that I never look for are the things needed to fill a 3200 square foot home which are no longer needed since our little house is bulging at it's foundation. I told my husband don't even open the boxes and look at it, just get rid of it. Does anyone ever listen to me?? He emptied the unit and put everything into our family room and preceded to go through everything. I came home early on Sunday because of crying children and their pleas to have at least one loving parent. I walked in and it reminded me of the day we moved in, boxes every where some stack from floor to ceiling and one grouchy husband(even the dogs were glad I was home). So I sat and visited with the kids and him, watching him try to put together a Bob the Builder Village we would not be keeping. After about 45 minutes of this I figured out he had overwhelmed himself by bring everything home, simply put he couldn't see the forest through the trees. I had to then start instructing him on what to do with the stuff and say a lot of NOs that we were not keeping anything. He really wonders why I call him the absent minded professor! and gets insulted when I do. Oh and by the way, he can still get lost driving from Hampstead to Westminster!!

My weekend wasn't too bad, I did have a great time visiting with the girls and enjoyed their company. It was productive as well, I got about 36 pages done.

I do have one question: Back to the storage unit, in it was all my teaching files, units, reproducibles, etc. I do plan to go back to teaching(I don't know when), my ideal would to be a Title 1 teacher. So here it is, should I keep them or just toss them?

From Fluids to Strep

2009-03-16T17:36:00.000-07:00

Katy and I have gone from a bad case of the fluids to having strep throat! I think I have only had this once before and to say if feels like I am swallowing razor blades doesn't seem so dramatic. Katy has lost 5 pounds since last Thursday night, but no signs of dehydration. We have told her that if she doesn't take her medicine and drink then we will have to lift flight her to John Hopkins to get an IV needle in her arm for her meds and fluids and I pick up the phone and pretend to place that call. Don't judge me...she is not dehydrated and after all when we look at the big picture that is what is most important! I on the other hand don't have a number to report to you....but at the doctor's today I was quite impressed with the number on the scale since I was fully clothed with shoes on!! Ahhh...the silver lining. Why as women do we do this to our selves? Also, Vitamin Water makes a 10 calorie version and it is quite refreshing when eaten with a spoon as a slushie. It has become a favorite.

My mom came this past weekend and we(I) were(was) so glad to have her although in my head I like to believe she came to take care of HER baby, I was just glad it all coincided on the weekend her grandson had Pine Wood Derby(that will be another post). She kept everything under control, not one time did I come down stairs to think "how am I ever going to dig myself out of this" when I was feeling better. She brought warm chamomile tea with honey, oatmeal on the runny side so it was easy to swallow, made some soup and there was always a vitamin water slushie when I asked. When she left last night to go home, I cried....asked how could she leave me at time like this?....didn't she love me?....I told her she couldn't leave me alone with these people!....BLAH BLAH BLAH....She mention something about them being my husband and son and they loved me. Well this is my case in point....I asked for something for breakfast this morning and the man I agreed to spend my life with(it was the big diamond, I never seen anything like it before) that supposedly loves me so much brought me Tomato Vegetable Soup from a can. See you all thought I was being a baby and dramatic. Well I decided to handle the situation like any mature woman of the 21st century, immediately called my mom and told her she was not allowed to go on vacations with us any more until she retired! There......now she will have the time to take off work to take care of me when I get Strep again. That was her excuse for not staying she had no vacation days left.

BTW..Safeway has a promotion until the end of the month for free antibiotics, so Katy and I got our meds for free!!! Made them a little easier to swallow.

Bad Case of the Fluids

2009-03-13T19:33:00.000-07:00

Katy and I have a bad case of the Fluids. At least that is what she is calling it. It is more commonly referred to as a sinus virus, with fluid build up in the ears, sinus pressure, post nasal drip which is causing a sore throat, and accompanied with fever. Although I must admit I kind of like referring to it as "The Fluids."

MG the Weeblo Scout

2009-03-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

It seems like I always have a funny story to tell about Katy, on this rare occasion I have one to tell about my sweet MG.

The other day I was being a typical over worked, under paid stay at home Mom and he was being a typical 10 year old boy I was very angry at him for not completing something that I had needed him to do and wasn't showing him loving patience when I was correcting him. My Mom called in the middle of this and had talked to both of us. When I got back on the phone with her she was laughing and laughing, I was finding it hard to be patient with her until she shared with me their conversation.

It went something like this:
Grandma: You know MG she is just a little frustrated because you didn't do as you were told...
MG: No, Grandma, I just earned my Communicator's Badge in Weeblos, she was angry!

Well, I have chuckled about that to myself over and over again(and I am now as I write this post).

I bought a Camera

2009-03-06T06:36:00.000-08:00

Although I had the green light for the digital SLR, I just couldn't bring myself to purchase it. After everything it was pushing $650. There has been this other digital camera I have been looking at that I thought it had everything I would want if I didn't get a SLR the only problem was it was $400, and I thought if I was going to spend that much that I should just spend a little more and get the SLR. That was the Nikon Coolpix P80, it is 10 megapixal, 18x zoom, with a wide angel option as well as a black and white option plus many other extras including a movie mode with sound. So...shopping around for the best deal on a SLR I found the P80 for under $200, a third of the cost of the SLR for me it was a no brainner. So I purchased it this morning. I am very excited. It will arrive in 6-9 days(see I was even to cheap to pay the extra for quicker shipping). In all of the reviews of the P80 it is described as the next best thing to a SLR, it biggest downfall is the 2 second delay of shutter time between pictures. I think I can live with that. So I will soon have a blog with pictures. So when I tell Malcolm I bought a camera, he asked which kind, very proud of myself of not spending all that money I told him the P80 and how much it cost. His reply, "I knew you would not buy the SLR because of the money, that is why I said yes." He knows me only to well!!!

The New Addition

2009-03-05T09:15:00.000-08:00

We have a new family member! She is very cute. About 10 pounds, and teething! I have decided that the next best thing to a new car smell is puppy breath! We have a new dog, a German Shepherd puppy about 8 weeks old. This is officially MG's dog, and I will say there is nothing cuter than a boy and his dog. It has made my heart melt a couple of times to see them interact since we have picked her up last Friday. He has named her Asta. They are in love and he is very nurturing with her. He takes care of feeding and cleaning up accidents! I am enjoying watching my boy show maturity and patience. It has also made me a little sad to see how much he is grown, why can't they stay little forever! Although I will let you into a family secret, he still likes to be cuddled and lets me kiss him as much as I want!

Katy's Fake 10th Birthday Party

2009-02-25T20:32:00.000-08:00

The title says it all! Last night we had a birthday celebration of sorts. Yesterday about mid morning Katy decided that it was a good day to have her Fake 10th Birthday(if you are having a fake birthday who says it has to be in order!). So we made decorations out of construction paper, stickers, and left over ribbon from Christmas. We baked a birthday cake, strawberry cake with buttercream icing. Invited friends over, this is important because when hosting a fake birthday party the guest list is crucial, you need to invite friends who would go along with the idea. So, She placed a call after school to the Shanahans', they do anything for cake and ice cream! So promptly at 7pm her guest started arriving, bring of course with them fake presents. A ball made of newspaper and fake money in the card. Katy absolutely loved it. There was singing and dancing, even Limbo! By 8:30 everyone was partied out, after all it was a school night. So the next morning I pick up her ball made of newspaper and started to throw it away, and was met with a panicked squeal and a "How could you?" That is my birthday present!

This experience has made me realize it is time for a digital camera! I didn't have film in the house so I didn't get one single picture to have of Katy blowing out candles after everyone sang to her. I asked, begged and pleated my case to Malcolm for a digital camera and made promises I hope he forgets about but he did give in. I really want a digital slr....So it is official I am now shopping for a camera. So I am open for kinds of suggestions.

Blushing Buttercream Pettiskirt GIVEAWAY!!!!

2009-02-25T20:25:00.000-08:00

Blushing Buttercream Pettiskirt GIVEAWAY!!!!

It's perfect for every little girl, now I wish I could sew!!

I HAVE A CONFESSION!!

2009-02-01T17:48:00.000-08:00

I always try to be cool and act like I know what everyone is talking about when there is a discussion, I will recite facts I have learned while browsing on Amazon but the cold hard facts are I know nothing about digital cameras!!! I still use my film slr and take the rolls to Target and have them put on photo disc. Then when I get ready to scrapbook I go and use the Kodak picture machine thing and make the pictures I am going to use. Why am I confessing.... Because it is the reason behind I post so little on my blog. I have no pictures. I just took 19 rolls of film to Target to get put on the disc so when they come back maybe I will let you know about our holidays. I was thinking today I really want a digital slr camera, I just love my film one I have had since MG was a baby. In fact one time I was asked, how come I still use it. It is because I know how, I know when I take a picture it will come out. The few times I have grabbed Malcolm's digital, my pictures don't always turn out and I miss the moment and think if I had my camera I would of gotten that shot! I think I am going to look into taking a class about digital photography at the community college. Then packed with knowledge I can answer with a 100% certainty, I want a digital slr for any of this years present giving celebration I might encounter.

Sisters

2008-10-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about sisters, I have been keeping up with the NieNie dialogues through her sister's blog, cjane. I have often been jealous of the relationship these 4 women share. I have never experience that kind of love from a woman who shared my DNA and grew up in the same house. Yes, I have a sister but she is mentally ill and that sisterly relationship from the time I can remember was full humiliation, violence, manipulation, deception and the list goes on, I wish that this was an exaggeration and but it is not and to give you a glimpse of the relationship I have had with her, here is one story:
We were at her wedding reception to her 2nd husband, she had too much to drink and decided to make an announcement. She announced to everyone there how much she hated me and the reasons why, then smacked me up side the head with some object while I wasn't looking. I left.

Now that you are feeling pretty sorry for me, don't. Because I have been pondering lately how lucky I am because I have lots of Sisters, ones who don't share my DNA but have given me the relationship those sisters feel.

I have girlfriends who I have been friends with for over 25 years who affectionately my children call "Aunts." I have a friend who we met in college, whose children call me Aunt. I have a friend who I was acquainted with through neighbors then it turned into a lasting sister friend. All of these women know me inside and out, and not one ounce of DNA shared. These were the ones at my wedding, birth of my son, with me in the ups and downs of trying to conceive Katy as well as the joys and struggles of everyday life. I am so lucky to have them in my life and to have their love and friendships.

Now just when you were thinking how lucky I am, it gets better! I belong to a church that my membership includes belonging to the women's organization called, The Relief Society. At church we refer to each of as Sisters because we share one Heavenly Father. It hasn't mattered where I have lived they have always been here. They are women who will watch your children in a pinch, bring a meal when needed and offer friendship shared by faith. They were also there at my wedding, the birth of my son, the ups and downs of trying to conceive Katy as well as the joys and struggles of everyday life. There faces have been different but their hearts the same, full of love for our Savior and ready to serve the ones he loves.

I know what your thinking, now you are jealous of me! But wait I am not done. It was about 8 years ago that my brother brought home this beautiful girl for us to meet. They courted, were engaged and engaged then a year ago this week they were married! Giving me a Sister! No, no DNA but it is by marriage and I will take it. She is sweet, considerate, kind, loving and belongs to our family, my sister, my friend. I will share DNA with her children.

So, they say one shouldn't pity one self but I think it is okay. After all if I didn't spend that 30 minutes boohooing about the DNA sister life dealt me. I might not of been so reflective about all my sisters I do have. I truly am grateful for each and every one of them. And if you are one of them reading this, know how much I love you.

It's Good To Be The Princess

2008-10-03T14:35:00.000-07:00

For those of you that have been to Disney know what I am talking about, all cast members there will call you children prince or princess. Katy has been going since right before her second birthday, and I think she truly believes she is a princess. She has the poise of a princess, she watches the mannerism very closely while we are there and emulates them. She will curtsy and kiss each cheek. She begins many of her sentences with "Oh, my" When we went to Rita's Water Ice just the other day, she asked "A small princess mango, please." The man behind the counter turned to her brother for clarification. Then he indulge her(just like her family does) and said " one small princess mango for the princess." My mom often says we are lucky she lets us be apart of her world.

Fourth Grade and Deodorant

2008-09-24T17:42:00.000-07:00

Ask MG the best part about 4th grade and he will tell you, well maybe not you but he has confessed this to me, that it is changing gym clothes and wearing deodorant. All summer he kept having me check if his had gotten his "man smell" yet. I being the indulging mother I am would smell his armpits after a long hot summer day and say nope just sweaty kid smell, he then ask if I was sure because it smelled like it to him. He would walk away disappointed. We played this out at least 3 days a week, each time he was for sure he had his "man smell." So now that it is a requirement to have deodorant for after gym, he feels he has been validated.

So along those same lines, he is in the bathroom a couple of days ago and hollers out "do you think Joe will be jealous if I get my man hairs before him? This shock and surprised mama says WHAT? he repeats, I ask very curious since he is only 10 which man hairs are you talking about? His reply, you know the ones that grow on my legs, arm pits and personals. My reply "ugh, not sure, why?" Because I am getting them now. Oh, is all I could say. My sweet son is not so modest and I have seen him naked everyday, in fact just that morning and didn't notice. So maybe it is peach fuzz getting thicker? who knows! I did ask Joe's mom if she thought he would be jealous, her reply "you know they are pretty competitive."

So I pick Katy up from preschool today, and she gets in the van, buckles her seat belt and then smells both her arm pits. Then looks up at me and announces "Yup, I got it." Got what I ask?, "My woman smell" she says.

What is it with both my kids want to smell funky?

Disney Vacation

2008-09-23T12:59:00.000-07:00

This is always my favorite vacation. At the end of the day we are all totally exhausted and some of us tend to be a little grouchy but it is after a day well spent. We had such a great time, MG, Mom and I got sick with a cold towards the end. We were given Dream Fast Passes at Hollywood Studios and I absolutely LOVED the new Toy Story ride. Katy went to the Bippity Bobbity Boutique and got the princess do she is sporting in the picture. Do you see how tight her hair is pulled into that bun? She did not complain once, now last night trying to blow dry her hair for picture day you would of thought I was ripping her hair out one strand at a time! Everything must be truly magical there. I am trying to think of one favorite thing that stands out and I can't. People will ask me why we go back year after year, but I think they are the same people who look at it as just an amusement park. You know I am already thinking about next year's trip, hopefully we will still be able to get there in this economy!

My Business Trip

2008-08-12T04:57:00.000-07:00

Yup, you read that right this stay at home Mom, part time mystery shopper got to go on a all expensive paid business trip to Chicago. My company sent me there to evaluate stores in the Chicago area and give them feed back on how they were similar and different from the stores I shop in my area. A couple of years ago I referred my long time friend for they mystery shopping job and she was selected to go as well. So off to Chicago for us. It was like a girls weekend. Although we were very busy doing what we had gone for, we still went out and saw some sights. I loved Chicago, could not get over how clean it was for a large city. I liked it so much I keep telling Malcolm we need to take a family vacation there. I was thinking it wold be nice to rent a cottage on Lake Michigan that was driving distance to Chicago so we could also check out all the things to do. Although I enjoyed myself, I still kept thinking how much fun this would of been to be with my family. Everything we did and saw we both would comment how much fun this would be to be with our kids, and every once in awhile we would say with our husbands too. We went to the American Girl Place, and Sharon I think was a little sad because she was experiencing it for the first time with me and not one of her daughters. I told her she could close her eyes I would lead her out and we could act like it never happened. Then a friend of mine, recommend this great Mexican restaurant, and it was good. He was a Navy Chief stationed at Great Lakes before he met his wife. All though it was really good Mexican food it was in the bar district of the city and we went on Friday night which was 8-8-08, and they were having a party. I called his wife the next day to tell her where her husband sent us and said, next time he recommends somewhere I will have to inquire is it from his Navy days or church and family days! Ha Ha, we still enjoyed our dinner, it was fun watching all the party goers. Other highlights included seeing Wrigley field, Navy pier, window shopping on Michigan Ave. and walking a path along Lake Michigan in the North Shore area. One highlight included being bumped off our flight going there and given a complimentary round trip airline ticket for anywhere in the US, except Alaska and Hawaii.

Also, I was really impressed with my husband and how he entertain the kids, fed them and kept up with the schedule. He remember the Boy Scout Rain Gutter Regatta Picnic, took them swimming at the pool club, pack a picnic lunch and took them to a Smithsonian. He even cooked dinner, most nights. They didn't eat fast food once while I was away....Go Malcolm!

I am glad to be home, I missed my family!

Our Staycation

2008-08-04T19:13:00.000-07:00

So the kids and I after Rehoboth went to my mom's for a staycation, that is when you don't drive far to take your vacation. We used my mom's house as the home base for the week. It was the best! Everyone is spoiled at Grandma's including the mom. We spent a day with one of my girlfriends from college and her kids in Oxford. One day we went to Douglassville to our old neighborhood to visit Leslie and her two kids. One evening we went with my friend Tammy and her husband Fred to Rose Tree Media Park to hear an outdoor concert of the Irish band, Blackthorn. The kids had a great time, Katy wants to take up Irish dancing. You can check them out at their website http://www.irishthing.com/

We also went to Grammy's work, she wanted to show the kids or so she says. I think she wanted to show off the grandbabies. I got to go out to dinner to PF Changs with another girlfriend and have grown up conservation. Then Sunday my mom served a Mexican dinner with fajitas and tamales in honor of my birthday, so more friends gathered! This morning as I was loading the van, Katy was refusing to leave. I practically had to drag her out from under my mom's bed. Everyone enjoyed the staycation!!

Rehoboth Getaway

2008-07-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

We had such a great time for our little overnight trip to the beach. We seem to pack in so much in such a short 24 hours. We enjoyed the beach, the hotel pool, great seafood dinner, shopping and my favorite Grotto's pizza. The two biggest differences in going to the beach in the north as opposed to going to Myrtle Beach, it is so crowded on the beach. That is one thing I love about going to Myrtle is that you don't lay blanket to blanket. The other is the water is so cold up here. By the time we go in August the ocean water is like bath water. It was so great to get away to the beach however it has made us miss our week at the beach this year. Malcolm and I said definitely next year we will be going to Myrtle! It is so worth the drive.

MG turns 10

2008-07-14T07:32:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe he has turned 10! It was actually a sad occasion for me, in the midst of the birthday celebration I realized that we were over halfway to 18! Where has the time gone, it feels like yesterday he was a baby. Knowing how fast these 10 years have gone by, the realization the the next 10 will go equally as fast sadden me. I tell him all the time he can live with me forever! Although he finds comfort in that now, I am sure there is going to be a day when he is ready to break free from his mom. I don't think I will ever be ready for that day. I enjoy him, he is such a pleasure to be around. And he still likes and wants my hugs and kisses!

These are a few things that are important and his favorite at 10:

Legos
Playmobil
Webkinz
Payday, on Thursdays if he does his chores
History Channel
Rita's water ice
Scouts

These are the things he sees in his future at 10:

Having a wife, there are a few girls he has picked out now, and I will say he chooses well, lets see who is still around.....
He wants to drive a Mustang GT, the kind that looks like the one in the 60s
He wants to serve a mission for our church and hopes they send him to China
He wants to be a neurosurgeon.

I have always felt blessed to be his Mom, he is an extraordinary kid!

The Withdrawl

2008-06-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

Well I did it. On Friday I officially withdrew our application for adoption from LaVida. I have put it to the side for sooo long. As I have come to the conclusion that this is just not the right time for us. Now, I am not saying I feel one hundred percent our family is complete but it is not the right time for us. Any who, I was surprised at my reaction..... I cried and cried. But it is truly not the right time for us and what prompted me on Friday for the withdrawal on Wednesday we found out that in September Malcolm will be loosing 20% of his income. So with withdrawaling officially hopefully we will get our fee back that we paid. His decreased income is the result of the economic times and a grant not being renewed. Hopefully it will be covered somewhere else and it won't happen or he just finds another job!!! How am I dealing with the stress? I am sporting a big fever blister on my bottom lip.

Also, back to I cried and cried. I think there will always be a part of me that will continue to grieve for the family I didn't have. Don't misunderstand this, I am truly grateful for the family I have now and awed that I get to be a mother to the children I have. They're such a gift and a blessing. I just hope one day I feel we are complete.

A Flawed System

2008-03-30T17:12:00.000-07:00

For those of you whoever wondered how a child ends up with serious harm once Children and Family Services are involved here is how it happens! This story involves my family, so I will give you the history on why the call was placed.

My sister is a bipolar alcoholic, who if you know her it is like a roller coaster! Since she had her daughter, a month shy of 6 years ago has depended on her family for all kinds of support. All but one year she has lived with our mother since her daughter was born. She is the queen of bad decision making with no concept of long term consequences, she is an instant gratification kind of girl. Case in point in 2005 she had her boyfriend take pictures of her and mailed them into Hustler magazine, which this past summer earned her $300 when they were published. So she meets this guy on the Internet dates him for 4 months and decides to marry him in a month. After the marriage, thinks it is a great idea for this man she has not known for at least a year to adopt her daughter. Now I will tell you that when she was married to her 2nd husband, she legally adopted his son, which when they split up she fought paying child support and now to this day she has nothing to do with him. Yup you guess it she is a walk away kind of gal. Her current, 3rd husband is about $80,000 in debt because of consumer and lawyer fees of fighting his ex wife over custody of their boys. Which he tells us it would be great if he could adopt her because this way he wouldn't have to pay as much child support to his ex wife and would have another deduction on taxes. So yes the interfering family that we are step in and said No it is not a good idea that he adopts your daughter. Called the biological father and told him why we thought it wasn't a good idea and please don't sign off. Thank goodness he didn't. This made the husband very mad and it was directed at my mom, partly because he is a coward picking on a 65 year old lady. During this time these are the things we have learned about him in their first year of marriage, caught him in lies about his past, has porn addiction, ex wife accused him of child porn and kick my sister out of the house twice, once she had to call police because of his bad temper. This is what we know he has done to her daughter, taken a bath with her(that turns my stomach!), stepped on her foot when she would not get out of his way(hard enough to leave a mark and left her with a limp), disciplines her with a trick: if she argues with him he will tell her to go ahead and do it and when she does she is spanked, spanked when she spills something and was never spanked until they were married and has only been by him. When we confronted my sister with this she would defend her husband telling us how she is trying to save her marriage. This is the incident that lead to the phone call to Children and Family Services: She was sitting on my mom's lap and they were reading a story, mom put her hands on her hips to move her and she winced. Inquiring what happen, she was in bed doing her homework and had a question and started down stairs to ask her mom that is when her step father stop her at the top of the steps and told her to go back to her room, she didn't listen and he spanked her hard enough to make her loose her balance and fall a couple of steps bruising her hip. When my sister was confronted again defended her husband. That day was the last time my mom has seen her granddaughter.

This is why I think the system is flawed:

I will agree I don't think that would warrant a child being removed from the home. I would think it could constitute parenting classes for both of them. The social worker assigned to the case never contacted any one in our family, including the person who made the call for a different side of this so called family. The didn't conduct any surprise visits to the house only scheduled ones, show up there any given Monday afternoon and my sister has put away a 12 pack. Led the social worker to believe this was all at the hands of a jealous over dramatic interfering mother in law and this social worker believed them, shame on her. Case is now closed.

So, where is it today? Well right after this happen my mom got harassing phone calls from her and his family which didn't stop until I told my sister we recorded them and would file charges if they continued. My sister has told my mom she is the cause of all their problems and now that she is out of their life she is at peace and they have a wonderful marriage. She told her she will spare her daughter the life of dysfunction and will fight to protect her from my mom. And that my mom needs therapy. What do I think? Crazy is as Crazy does! The girl is Crazy, mentally unstable. My mom will pursue grandparents rights. Even though she was told by my sister that if she did and lost she would never see her granddaughter again. Then, lastly she told mom that her granddaughter didn't even ask about her.

2008-03-01T19:18:00.000-08:00

For the four years it took to get pregnant with Katy, it was a really difficult time for me. It was more than the 3-4 times a week trip into Center City, Philadelphia at 6am, more than all the crazy hormone pills or shots I gave myself, more than all invasive procedures and when I say invasive I mean the doctors, nurses, ultra sound techs saw more of me than my husband ever did, more that the track marks left in my arm by the viles of blood they would take to know what my hormones were up to, it was the emotional pain that I agonized over the most. These emotions of wanting another child are still very raw and painful for me even to this day. I always thought the emotions would be different if I was adopting, I was so wrong. What I didn't know is that receiving the information packet would bring all of that pain of infertility back, because once again I needed someone else and their approval to have a child. After having Katy I knew I never wanted to go through that again but here I am...

I have been thinking(among other things) a lot lately about our adoption plan. No I haven't gotten out the information packet, it is still in the basket in my kitchen. Infact, if my eyes happen to catch a glimpse of it my body just shudders with intimidation and fear. But usually when I have my next thought it comes after prayer or scripture study or quiet times during one of my many trips to and from Westminister taking and picking up kids from school. I was thinking what is my journey. We all get to where we are at, whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually,or intellectually by taking our own journeys. So here is my epiphany: This is my journey it is the road we(I, Malcolm is just along for the ride) need to take to know the decision we make or the outcome is the one right for our family. Maybe it is what I needed to go through to have undenying faith that there is another one out there that will join our family and then again this journey will also let me know that our family is complete. A dear friend that I have made here in Maryland titled her blog "Wait a little while to welcome what you're after" and I think that is what I am doing. What am I after my complete family, whom ever that might include.

Katy Rose

2008-02-20T13:41:00.001-08:00

This girl is funny. She doesn't mean to be. Some of the things she says..... I came around the corner the other to find her using a roll of tape to secure closed her Dad's Valentine's cards, when I asked her what she was doing she told me "my licker wasn't good enough." Last night we were laying in bed, and she announces to be that when she has her birthday party we can't invite one of the girls from her preschool class at school. When I asked why she told me it was because she has bad breath. I told Katy that is okay she can still be her friend and she could come to her party. Her reply.."aaah mom, I have a nose you know."

I thought I was having a real tender moment with her waiting in the pickup line at school. She was singing I AM CHILD OF GOD, very sweetly and sincere, just as my eyes were welling up she finishes the song and then breaks out into Elvis' Hunka Hunka Burning Love. Yes, in addition to the Primary Song CD for church we have been listening to the sound track from Lilo and Stitch. Katy and Stitch are very similar in some ways. Our family would be boring without her that's for sure.

I AM LOVED

2008-02-18T15:10:00.000-08:00

I couldn't write about this last week when it happened, it was too emotional for me. As you all know how I freaked out after getting the information packet from LaVida, during this time I literally cried out unto our Heavenly Father (on my knees, sobbing, very much with no self control, saying just what came to my mind, a true pouring out of my heart and lacking reverence that my prayers usually have) "I asked Him how come He couldn't just send someone to me with a baby that needed a mom, how come no body could see me for the good mom that I am and want me to raise their child as mine, could He please just send a baby to me." After I had prayed that I felt guilty, I felt like I had just ask to win the lottery or asked for something impossible. I even asked for forgiveness for that prayer. That was on Tuesday, Feb. 4th. This is how our Heavenly Father responded..... I got a phone call on Monday, Feb. 11 from one of my dearest friends, we have been girlfriends now for about 25 years. Her mom was talking to her father's stepmother(that is a very complicated family tree so hang with me). Apparently her granddaughter who is about 20 is pregnant. This young woman has 2 children already that the state of Florida has terminated her parental rights with that her mom is raising. She asked her mom if she would take this child and her mom said no, she just couldn't. She knows that if she tries to keep this baby the state will take it also. She doesn't want to have an abortion. My friend's mom knowing we would like to adopt told the pregnant girls grandma about my family. The grandma talked with the pregnant girls mom and before they aproached her wanted to know if I was interested. So, my friend called me and asked if I was interested in adopting this baby. I cried and cried and cried, I couldn't talk. I am not sure what is going to happen from here, of course I said yes after all it was what I asked Heavenly Father for. My emotions were not from the idea of this could be my next child but I have a Heavenly Father who knows me, loves me, realized my heart was breaking and reach down to let me know He is there, He is listening no matter how impossible the prayer might seem to me, He let me know everything is possible through Him. I don't know if they have talked to the pregnant girl yet or not. What I took from that experience was my Heavenly Father's love, and at the time that is what I needed to know.

Having children has always been an ordeal, a trial, and huge test of faith for me. I thought adopting would be different, would go different emotionally but I am having such a hard time with it and honestly I not sure I am strong enough. I just don't know how everything is going to work from here. I am having the hardest time with knowing His will as opposed to mine, that is why I haven't completely thrown in the towel. I know I might look strong on the outside, but the inside it is all mush!!

Freaked OUT!

2008-02-10T18:44:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am not sure myself what happen, but I can tell you I totally Freak Out Tuesday night after sitting down to read the information packet sent from our adoption agency. Called my good friend(who adopted couple years ago from China) on the verge of hysterical crying asking her what did I do! Every reason why we should not do this came to mind, I even emailed our agency asking if we didn't proceed at this point would we get our money back! Spent most of the week an emotional wreck, crying for most of it. Oh, and fighting off panic attacks. Really wondering what have I gotten my family into. Floating through my thoughts were more reasons why not to adopt than there were to proceed. Well she talked me off the ledge and gave me some very sound advice, come to find out it was the same advice I gave her when she was deciding to go to nursing school, pray about it. Pretty simple huh? Well I have to admit that I haven't had the frame of mind to listen for an answer when I have prayed. So, I needed to change focus and proceed with caution. I needed first to seek for inner peace, I started just to ask for comfort and peace, I decided to take on the Hinckley Challenge and read the Book of Mormon in 97 days in remembrance of our Beloved Prophet who just passed away recently, during this time I plan to read it for nourishment for my soul and focus on those scriptures that really testify of the love Jesus Christ has for each of us. Today I also asked for a blessing from our home teacher. With all these things I hope to place my heart in the right place so when I shall seek these answers that I will have an unshakeable testimony that I am following the Lords will and not mine. I feel as if I am standing at a fork in the road with the two directions to take and knowing each one is life altering, knowing either way is okay to take, but not knowing which one our Heavenly Father wants our family journey down. So I am going to take some time and figure out which one is for us, that way the next bump in the road we hit I will know it is just part of the journey and not a road block.

I am still afraid to look into the information packet again, it is a very intimidating pack of paper work. I am thinking of having someone come and seperate it out and put them in seperate envelopes so I don't freak out! They could put them in order in which to accomplish!! That way I would never have to look at them all at once again.

My New Weight Loss Plan

2008-02-03T15:25:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite lines from a movie comes from The Devil Wears Prada, it is where the skinny receptionist says, "I am one stomach flu away from my goal weight." Well having the stomach virus twice in almost one week, I have decided that it is my new weight loss plan. I must say that this one makes WW points system seem like a piece of cake!! I first came down with it a week ago last Thursday and since then the entire family has gotten it! And Friday night/early Saturday morning it returned back to me! Hows does that happen? I literally thought I was safe since I was the one who introduced it to the family. The funny thing is was that because of the anticipation I had built up over LaVida accepting us or not, and being some what of an emotional cookie eater, I had made cookies about 3 out of 5 days and thought to myself that this would be a better week to have gotten the stomach virus to undue all the damage. Well next time I will becareful of what I wish/think of as new remedie for weight loss.

WOOO HOOOO!

2008-02-02T09:45:00.000-08:00

I opened an email last night that contained the words, "it appears from your application that you meet Colombia's specifications for the adoption process." Words can't explain how excited I was to read that sentence I just started crying, my son came out and wanted to know if they were happy or sad tears. Happy happy happy tears! Malcolm is equally excited however now he realizes that he has some work to do!(if you are wondering what work, refer back to the home study post and that should clarify) However he did get started last night, working in the basement.

So what happens next? We will be getting an informational package in the mail and it should arrive next week. It will break everything down into steps that we should accomplish and in what time frames. LaVida will hold our hands through this whole process!

2008-01-29T05:36:00.000-08:00

Well, it feels like I have peed on a stick this morning and now I will have to wait 7-10 days to find out the results. Many of you have asked if I have gotten started with the process, my answer has always been "No, I am going to wait until....." you can fill in the blank with my various excuses. But as I finally admitted to a close friend it has been fear of rejection behind the many excuses not to get started. When you and your husband are not the ones in control of your own family planning, it is an aspect that is full of disappointment, sadness and heartbreak. After Katy I thought I would never be brave or strong enough to endure the desire of wanting another child. Then, I let myself wonder and prayerfully seek adoption because in my mind it felt like the only sure thing. Well I can attest that this morning it doesn't feel that way. I am just as scared, nervous and emotional as I was over previous attempts to have another child. So, this morning I peed on the stick and we are awaiting acceptance from the adoption agency we chose to use, our application has been sent off.

Feels good to come clean!

2007-12-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

Hey I just have to admit that it feels good to come clean. I was putting so much pressure on myself to adopt a sibling group of like 3 that I was making myself a nervous wreck. So with the help of the dream I admit that I just couldn't do it. I am not even sure now we will adopt any more than one. I feel like though a weight has been lifted.

Hey my blog looks blaaa. Help me spruce it up, I am not very computer literate and could use the help!

My Crazy Dream

2007-12-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

Ever since we made the decision to adopt from Colombia we have been going back and forth with how many. For those who are not familiar with the Colombian adoption process you can adopt sibling groups. Most of them are groups of 3-4 siblings. Also, I should throw out that one of Colombia's requirements is that adoptive families have a max of 2 children. So hello, we really need to decide this in the beginning. At first all that excited I thought what a wonderful opportunity it would it be to adopt a sibling group, well as the newness of the idea has started to sink in, I am not so sure. Last night I dreamt that we got our referral and it was a sibling group of 3, a boy 31/2, a girl 21/2 and a baby less than one. Well in my dream, there was no joyous celebration from me. I felt shear panic. I kept saying I can't do this, this means I will have 4 under the age of 5. I am a mother of children who are 5 years apart, not by choice but by circumstance but still it has worked very well for me. Also, it has been recently that I have felt the urge to have another, and Katy is 4. So I am beginning to think this is who I am, a mom whose children are 5 years apart! or at least come to her that way.

Updating

2007-12-04T19:53:00.000-08:00

I have come to the conclusion that this fall I have tried to take on too much, do to much and get done too much or at least out of my capabilities as a human. Trying to do the extra things I have lost control on the things like family, house and especially laundry. Family home evening has been hit or miss, scripture study as well, we have had more cereal for dinner than for breakfast, Katy's backpack is missing and all work and notes have been coming home in Target bags. MG has been getting away with staying up too late and there fore we are late for school almost every day. How he is still getting good grades and maintaining the A honor roll has been beyond me. I sit looking around my kitchen and there is pancake batter, yogurt and dishwasher detergent stuck to the cabinets. I have mopped my floor but since I only have used the swifter since Aug. there is the dust line building up around the floor molding. We probably wouldn't have groceries but that is my second job, mystery shopper for major grocery store chain(if you are wondering what my first job is that would be stay at home mom, which I think everyone knows the job description for). And it looks like the washer /dryer exploded upstairs and you wade through all the clothes, which is kind of funny since the washer-dryer is in the basement. There is a few people I would let into my house right now. I need some reality show to come and rescue me. My plan of attack is to say NO, no more extras for a while at least I can regain some balance and productivity in our house. Task at hands is getting ready for Christmas and maybe a call to the Merri Maids for a Merry Christmas!

So how does this all fit into my adoption blog, well we are going to be on mission to regain control and get organized. Because my adoption funds have arrived and here we go, I plan to fill out the adoption agency(LaVida) application. I have to say I am very nervous, worried that we will be shot down in this first step in the process. The application isn't even very complicated.

On a side note, Katy is dancing in the Nutcracker on the 15th. She is a mouse, she will get to attack a toy soldier and I am so excited. She will have 2 performances 2pm and 7pm. Let me know if anyone wants to come check her out.

Where did the days go

2007-11-19T17:10:00.000-08:00

It has been so long since my last post and in my mind I have posted several different topics. I am so tired and not sure of where all my time has gone. The week before last my mom had an abscess tooth and it was aching. Her Dentist put her on antibiotics and pain meds, However it kept getting progressively worse. So by last Tuesday and Day 6 with tooth ache she went to her dentist and he tried pulling it. OUCH! She was in so much pain that he quit and didn't pull it. However doing this unbeknown to him he released the infection into her body. So in a course of 12 hours was so sick and in so much pain she went to the ER. By the time Malcolm and I got to the ER she didn't even look like herself. There they gave her IV antibiotics and pain relief as well as fluids because she was dehydrated as well, she hadn't really eaten or drank anything substantial for 6 days either. When we were able to bring her home, the pain medicine was so great that I was able to get her to eat some nutritious foods. Also, every time she turned around I put an ensure in her hand and hopefully this helped to bring up some of her strength. Wednesday night we were able to bring her home with us because we couldn't get her in to see a surgeon by her so I was able to get her in to the dentist who took out my wisdom teeth last year. Her pre -op appt. was Thursday and surgery was Friday. She was a little sore over the weekend which is to be expected but no pain. Over the weekend we had our scrap booking getaway in which she spent the time resting and I scrapped! I always have so much fun when I go away! I do it twice a year, so email me if you are interested in joining us in the spring. So I came home to a messy house, which sometimes I question is it really worth it....ummm...YES! Because chances are I would have cleaned up the same messes just not all in one day. Any who, look for a post tomorrow on adoption because I have stuff in my head. It is just every time I close my eyes to think I end up dosing off. Good Night

My New Friends

2007-11-08T16:18:00.000-08:00

First before I go into writing, I just have to say I love boy scouts! On Thursday nights, Malcolm takes MG to scouts from 7-8:30 and of course Katy too because after all she is a self proclaimed girl-boy scout. It is about the only time I get a peaceful house. I just do what I want, and never chores I will wait to do dinner dishes until they return because I refuse to waste an hour and half of quiet time washing dishes. So I love Scouts:)

So tonight at dinner I am talking with Malcolm, and with excitement I start telling that Rena and Nate, who are in Columbia right now adopting Alex, Sebastian, Luisa and Erika, are finished and get to come home on Sat. I go into telling him how excited I am and hope the transition goes well for them and the kids do well on the plane ride, etc. Then I tell him about Sherri and they have all their tickets to go to Columbia on Nov. 17th, and her husband Joel was able to take off work until after the first of the year with all the sick time he has accumulated and with the family leave act his company endorses. They are adopting a little boy who is 18 months and they have named him Isaac. They also have another son, Caleb who is a birth son. So, I look over at Malcolm and he has this look on his face and ask me who are these people. I say very casually they are the adoption blogs I am following. He says so you don't know them, well not exactly. I feel like over the course of the last month I gotten to know them quite well through their blogs. Then he says it is not like they are friends, UGH-GASP! They feel like my new friends, I think about them and hope things are going smoothly for them through this process, I have prayed for them so by my definitions they are my new friends. So then, I ask him if he wants to hear about the Armstrongs new home renovations as they await the news from Columbia on when to travel, and tell him too bad they don't live closer cause they could use his help. He thinks I am crazy! I told him at least I am not like Katy and have imaginary friends and grandmas. I will admit I love reading the adoption blogs right now, their is about 4 I am following and it is crazy because I find myself going through the emotions with them. I am grateful they write about their experiences because it is like a peek into what lays ahead for us.

On another note, Katy Rose, Katy Rose, Katy Rose, that child of mine I don't know where she gets it. Today she decided that she was Mulan, and wore her Mulan dress all day(she has basically lived in it since 3 weeks before Halloween). Today she put a new twist on it. As she put it, she was Mulan, the whooping princess and preceded to spend the day beating up on everyone. At one point she was hanging from the wall quilt I have up and it fell and actually came out of the wall. She went backwards over the chair trying to get to her brother for showing the Whooping Princess disrespect. There was once today that she was being ornery and I just looked at her and she said, "I know! to the no no step!" and put herself in time out. I guess somethings are just worth it.

Two or More

2007-11-05T15:00:00.000-08:00

Having a testimony of Heavenly Father and truly believing he knows each one of us, our desires, our needs, and our capabilities and going through infertility I often thought I was always meant to be a mother of two children and that is why we endured the infertility(That is how I made sense of that trial primarily because I didn't understand, being a mother was such a righteous desire). Because after all we got pregnant on our honeymoon with MG so birth control was not our strong point. And I always thought of myself as it was beyond my abilities to mother a large family where the children were stair steps in ages. The years following Katy Rose's birth I tried convincing myself our family was complete and I don't have any what so ever urges to have more children. Then came along Joshua Spivey, and he has been a true gift to our family. I babysit him as many of you know, however it is babysitting him that has dismissed the idea of I was meant to be a mother of two as well as the feeling of our family is complete. And now maybe we were meant to have infertility so we would adopt and could love a child as our own who does not have our DNA. So with all this in place and moving forward through the adoption process we have decided we would be open to adopting siblings, my only request is that they be younger than Katy Rose as not to mess with birth order, so we would request 3 and younger. Naturally in my mind this meant adopting two children however reading blogs of adoptive Colombian parents and noticing that most siblings are very close in age in many cases less than a year apart. This does concern me because now we could be looking at 3 under 3. In conversation with my husband, Malcolm, I suggested we put in for 2 siblings. He disagrees he thinks we should just leave it open as we are willing to adopt a sibling group. He has the faith to believe that Heavenly Father will match us up with our children how ever many it would be and it is only Heavenly Father who knows our future circumstances and will provide for us. I have to admit I am having trouble having the same faith. I guess I don't have the confidence in myself to be able to mother the physical and emotional needs to 5 or more children. My safety zone would be to adopt two siblings. I told this to Malcolm and he simply express than if that is the case Heavenly Father knows and we will have a sibling group of 2. Malcolm has no doubts about my abilities and I his but how to I have the faith to turn this decision over and have a peaceful feeling inside. I hate having the need to have things in my control because I think this is what it comes down to.

Racial Awareness

2007-10-28T17:51:00.000-07:00

On the news last week, there was an incident in our country(I can't remember where but it truly could of been anywhere), that has made me more aware of racial issues around me. I am very much a momma bear with my children, and I feel it starting to come out in the child(ren) that soon will be mine as well. There was a woman stop by police because they thought she was driving a stolen SUV, she had two children in the back seat and was five months pregnant with her 3rd. When she was stop she was dragged out of the car and forced to lay on her belly, pleading with the officers she was pregnant. Eventually they caught on to the mistake that they were making and had her get off the ground and belly. This woman definitely looked 5 months pregnant and she didn't even look the part of a car thief. I watched the interview of the superior officer of the policemen who were involved on GMA, and he kept saying how this was a standard stop and the officers did everything correctly. Yeah, Chris Cuomo didn't buy it either. Any how discussing this with my husband he pretty much could see how the officers would handle it that way, until I asked him would this be aceptable treatment for one of his daughters. He couldn't really see Katy Rose being in a situation like this but when I said we could be adopting a daughter and fast forward 20 years she would be a woman of color and would this be aceptable treatment for his daughter of color? And of course his response was absolutely not. Well, we are not by any means a racist family, we accept people as sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father. However with that said, I don't do anything to stop racism. When I get a joke via email, I will delete rather than email back and tell them that is not acceptable to me or when I hear a rude comment or remark I am ashamed to admit I will stand silent. What if my silence has ever been mistaken as acceptance? Lately I have been thinking on myself and maybe the changes I need to make on this topic. This momma bear might be coming out of hibernation on this issue!

Clarification

2007-10-22T15:17:00.000-07:00

After reading that post, I do want to clarify, I know what they are looking for in the Home Study but my husband doesn't or isn't really sure. That is why I am taking advantage of him and going to get the extra work done. I know the don't care if my kitchen has a border up.

Home Study

2007-10-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

My husband isn't quite sure what is meant by the Home Study and is relying on me(of course) to do all the paperwork and gather the information. So, my plan is to get him to do all those little Honey Do projects he has been putting off before we have our Home Study. I know that is kind of mean but it is either that or I schedule some sort of home demonstration party because that is the only way I can get him to work around the house. Any way it was his idea I am just adding to the list of projects. For those of you who know my husband will understand that he needs to have motivation or my Uncle Ron supervising for him to get anything accomplished. Soo, I am seizing this opportunity to get our downstairs painted and the wall paper border put up in the kitchen that I bought two years ago. My son being the cutie he is and 9 years old was a little confuse on why this will cost money. In his mind he didn't look at the money going out as to pay fees but pay for his new sibling. I quickly cleared this up that we would be paying fees for document processing. His next question was what would it cost for 2 siblings, I explained that if we got them at the same time we would only have to pay the document fees once. So he said "basically nothing extra" My reply was pretty much. Then he suggested us adopting as many children as Columbia would let us. He amazes me how ready he is to welcome more into his family knowing it might mean he gets less. He had been an only child for 5 years when his sister was born, and reflecting back he adjusted quite well. Maybe he has always had the understanding he would be the oldest in a family. I am lucky and blessed!

THE PAPER WORK HAS ARRIVED!

2007-10-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

The Postman actually brought it to our door, because it wouldn't bend to fit it in our mailbox. So I calmly took it from his hands and shut the door and let out a wooo hooo! My family wanted to know what had arrived, my son thought this was it time travel and now he can start telling people. Ummm, NO. I said this is just the beginning in a process that will seem like it just might take forever. So I have had time to read the folder of info from cover to cover and no real big surprises. Although they wanted to know how much I weighed, yikes. I also let out a chuckle when they asked for hair and eye color, I thought is that because they try to match a close as possible, good luck with that(I am red hair and blue eyed with the fair freckled skin to go along with it). With our info arriving today, made for some very interesting dinner conversation. We are about 99.9% positive that we will check off for a sibling group, that last tenth of a percent is me and my self doubt of capabilities as a mother and can I handle it. Especially since my 4 year old started preschool and gain an attitude that can be aspirating at times. Also, we talked about whether or not to change their given names. I have noticed on different blogs some do and some don't. I inkling is to change, so it would not be so different from the rest of us but by no means do I want to take away from who they are. This is when my daughter and the wisdom of her 4 years thought that if it was a girl we should name her Dora. Any who back to the paper work, it didn't seem to intimidating at all. I think that we are going to wait until we have cash in hand, to send it back, which I am told by my husband will not be long.

2007-10-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

I am at the very beginning of this journey. We made the decision about 1 week ago that we were going to adopt from Columbia. Why Columbia? It's okay you can ask. That is where my child(ren) is/are. I don't know why Columbia, we just know that is where we will meet up with the rest of our family. I requested the paper work about a week ago now, I it has yet to arrive. I have checked our mailbox every day, and if you know me you then know how much I hate mail and getting from our box. I usually check it so infrequently that sometimes it gets so full that the post man will take it back to the post office and I have then will have to go to pick it up and get a lecture about how I need to check the box more often. My postman even commented this week when he left a package at our door how empty the mailbox is and that I was doing a good job. Any how I want my PAPERWORK! I am ready let's get started. I feel like it took so long to know what I needed to do and where to go that now I am ready.

When in the day I find a peaceful time that my mind can drift I find myself wondering about the child(ren) who are waiting for me. In Columbia, you are able to adopt sibling groups and we have decided if it is meant to be we would adopt siblings that were younger than Katy Rose. We would like the birth order to continue the way it is in our family. We know we will have who is meant to join our family. MG was particularly excited about this possibility, it made perfect sense to him that as long as we are down there might as well bring home as many siblings as they will let us. At night as I drift off which is hard to do I find myself thinking about them and wondering if they have been born yet. Katy Rose doesn't have a full understanding about the journey we are embarking on but she would like a sister who looks like Dora. Malcolm is the more practical one he is the one getting the financing together, he tells me he will be more excited the closer we get. He also made me promise that I would try and sleep, because I tend to be grouchy with not enough sleep and he doesn't want to live that way for the next year and a half.

Here is the time frame we are looking at:

My goal is to have all our paperwork into LaVida to be sent off to Columbia by Easter. That means I will need to be very diligent on getting everything done and organized. But this is a very realistic goal.
Then, the paperwork sent to Columbia is called a Dossier, after that is received and reviewed it can take up to about 15 months for us to be assigned a child(ren). Now sibling groups can be referred as soon as 2 months.
After getting our referral, then we will travel 2-3 weeks later. And stay in Columbia 3-4 weeks.

We are planning to travel as a family, if MG is in school then we will take him and all his school work with us.

I just want my paper work and my child(ren) to know, Mommy is coming.